On Being Mom To an Alpha Pre-Teen

        In the wake of my "successful venture" into sewing, I decided to make new blouses for uniforms for my youngest. Seeing that she, as a pre-teen, has become more conscious of her appearance, I figured, it wouldn't hurt if I made her new uniforms to match her new-found self-confidence. She'd lost baby fat and has recently grown womanly curves, despite still being a child.

        After just one day, I finished all three new white blouses, washed and pressed them. When she finally wore one last Monday, she got rave reviews from classmates, saying she looked trim and bright with her super white, crisp and well-made blouses. Yay!

        Monday, at lunch time, while she was walking home under the sweltering heat of the sun, ( there was no available tricycle at that time, and school was cancelled for the afternoon, due to a freak heavy rainfall in the early morning, that caused flooding to most of her classmate's homes) a boy she was crushing on, accompanied her while shielding her face with his hands from the sun and walked her home, from 5 houses away from where he saw her.

Arianne in pink shorts in grade three with a nurse friend and neighbors

        But what happened yesterday, I wasn't quite well-prepared for. Imagine my reaction when my 10 year old, told me that a 6th grader next door to her classroom, asked her to go to the school garden with him and there, confessed his 'love' for her, whilst holding her hand. Blushing and shaking, was how my little girl described the "culprit" when he said those words.

        My baby heard her very first and monumental " I love you" yesterday, July 16, 2013 over at lunch break at a public elementary school right here in Davao City, Philippines. And my head is shaking in disbelief.

         I was torn between amusement and concern. Well. first, I laughed as my baby was describing how her pulse raced and that she didn't quite know what to do or what to say. She simply shrugged and said " Pag-sure oy!" which would roughly translate to "come on, are you sure?" And then after watching the butterflies and flowers that the boy was pointing to, ( Arianne was basically telling me she barely heard, let alone understood, the other things the boy was saying, after she heard that shocker of a confession, which I could understand, was how any girl would feel under the circumstances.)

At grade four trying on a Forever 21 jacket

        And then the barrage of questions, ranging from "can I have a boyfriend, now?" to "why not? not even for just a month?" I patiently answered ALL my little angel's childish questions. She was still processing the incident and hasn't really fully understood the implications of what just happened to her.

      I must say that I have to give some credit to the boy. I've seen the boy a few times as Arianne has pointed him out, after learning from his friends that he was eyeing her. For one, the boy is an Alpha pre-teen himself, being a leader of the boys in his class. He has a group of other classmates who follow his lead in scouting and Tae Kwon Do. Though not audaciously handsome, he's quite attractive being neat in his appearance and ways. From what I learned, he introduced himself to her, and would grab every opportunity to make friends with her, even sending other boys to tell her, he's been crushing on her. 

       Yesterday, when I learned that he wasted no time, and gathered up the courage to tell her how he felt, and apparently planned the walk to the garden, when school was just a month and a half into the school year. This early, he wanted to beat others to the door,and secure for himself a possible spot in her heart. Now, that's an Alpha male, brave and bold.

       Processing my daughter's recent experiences all throughout summer and now, while in fifth grade, I was also able to finally conclude that she too, happened to be an Alpha female, a magnetic and influential personality, who can instantly change the chemistry in any room the minute she walks in.

        Arianne was still chubby when school ended in March, but all throughout summer, she lost baby fat, gained 12 new friends and half of these are boys, whom she could easily compete with on boy-oriented games. Though not boyish, she's adept in Dragon Nest, CrossFire, I-Date and other computer games requiring high level skills. Sometimes she teaches them; boys and girls, the necessary skills to upgrade and level up. Being naturally people-oriented, she easily makes friends, is not easily offended and accepting of other kids, making no discrimination irregardless of status, height or appearance. Despite being the youngest girl in her circle of friends, she also attracts the boys the most. At least four of these boys have taken turns stealing opportunities to hold her hands whilst playing ball games and computer games. I know because I can hear the teasing and she reports the incidents to me every night.

        As her family constantly surrounds her in most of her activities, we have collectively observed how she has developed into having a curvacious figure, disarming smile and a magnetic personality. Her presence and absence is felt whether by us, or by her friends.

       All the while I thought this was only my observation, her older siblings and own father have noticed the same things too. So this early, despite not being fully woman yet, she has become a boy-magnet, such that an unlucky fellow has fallen hard for her effortless charms already and confessed, I can only expect to hear more of these happening now and in the near future.

       I have already worked out my plan to monitor her school activities, having her female school adviser apprised of her experiences and to regulate her break time activities. I'm also planning to tap her former adviser and male teacher to do a non-threatening man-talk to the boy to remind him of his youth and limitations as a minor.

       In the evening, I helped Arianne process her feelings and reminded her she cannot be in relationships just yet. That it was okay for the boy to give her notes and little tokens, but not to take her anywhere inside or outside the school for extended talks. And that she should have a female classmate with her should the love-sick boy ask to speak with her just to be on the safe-side.

        Every experience as a mother is an adventure. and though this recent one is both funny and disconcerting, I pray for protection for my daughter as she has barely entered into the tumultuous world of crushing, loving and teenage hood. I hope the open communication we have established together becomes the foundation of a less-difficult transition into her adulthood.

        Thank you for the opportunity to share my experience with my youngest. So far so good, I AM rocking this mom role. Good luck to your mothering!